The Wichitan

Satire: COVID-19 cancels every major event EXCEPT final exams

protest sign
November 24, 2020

As 2020 finally rounds to a close, we've seen a wide plethora of major events canceled in hopes of preventing the spread of COVID-19. For some universities, this has even lead to the cancellation of in-person...

Squeakers Bite’em declared president of MSU Texas animals

squirrel president
November 11, 2020

After nearly a week of counting, losing, and then recounting votes, longtime Squirrel Party member Squeakers Bite'em has been declared President of the Animals at MSU Texas. The announcement was broadcast...

Coverage of the MSU animal debates

Goose vs Squirrel
October 23, 2020

Sikes Lake on Monday, Oct. 13 at 7 p.m. saw a fierce presidential debate that featured squawking, constant interruption and absolute chaos between two figures deemed by political experts to be "unfit to...

Satire: The Gooseman of Sikes Lake

Gooseman
October 16, 2020

As the days of October dwindle, the students of MSU have turned their attention to Halloween. Unbeknownst to many of the young Mustangs preparing for spooky season, a true terror lies at the bottom of...

Fall sports to resume 2020 season via Zoom

September 17, 2020

For heartbroken Mustangs fans, your anguish has come to an end as the NCAA Division II committee announced that Fall 2020 sports will be returning, albeit with a social distancing twist. Collegiate athletes...

College Students who refused to vote baffled as to why their candidate didn’t win

Voting
September 1, 2020

*The following article was written after the results of the 2020 U.S. presidential election, and was sent backwards to the present staff of The Wichitan through a reverse time capsule* College students...

Change the channel!

May 25, 2020

It seems that all families keep the TV on one channel for the entire day. Sometimes I go off on my walks wondering, will they have changed the channel by the time I come back? The answer is no more often...

Crazy things to do in quarantine

May 24, 2020

It’s suggested that everyone continues to practice safe social distancing. "Don’t hang out with large groups of people. In fact, don’t hang out with anyone outside your family," they say.  The healthcare...

The season for tornado watching

May 23, 2020

Buckle up folks! Tornado season is upon us! This means there may be more destruction caused towards you than what your ex did! Better hop on and jump on those trampolines before they get blown away and...

The Wichitan apologizes for fake news

Fake News
April 30, 2020

The Wichitan would like to apologize sincerely and profusely for the spreading of the "fake news" in this article: UN declares 2020 over. In this article we reported that March would mark the start of...

UN declares 2020 ‘over’ after just two months

UN Secretary of Panic
March 3, 2020

Due to the incredibly long and horrific nature of the first two months of the year 2020, scientists and politicians at a recent United Nations summit have declared the year is over and 2021 will arrive...

Students choose XFL over democratic debates

XFL Satire
February 18, 2020

College students around the nation opted to watch the new XFL football league over the democratic presidential candidate debates.  When college students had to choose between learning more about what...

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