UN declares 2020 ‘over’ after just two months
Amos Perkins, Managing Editor
March 3, 2020
Due to the incredibly long and horrific nature of the first two months of the year 2020, scientists and politicians at a recent United Nations summit have declared the year is over and 2021 will arrive shortly. "We were all sitting around, talking about all the horrible things that have happened in...
Students choose XFL over democratic debates
Amos Perkins, Managing Editor
February 18, 2020
College students around the nation opted to watch the new XFL football league over the democratic presidential candidate debates. When college students had to choose between learning more about what leaders might be running their country or watching a semi-professional football league filled with wa...
How steroids will save the world
Biff McBuff, Steroid Expert
October 30, 2019
Some steroids create better focus, some increase endurance, some increased strength and some increase how the muscles breathe. We've seen how amazing the human body and mind can be when using such subst...
Dogs should have equal rights
Kristin Silva, Managing Editor
October 16, 2019
Many dog owners consider their fur-babies to be part of their family. According to businessinsider.com, some people would even say they love their dog more than other humans. Because of this fact alone, dogs deserved to have equal rights just like humans. People easily can spot the difference betw...
“We have a voice too!” -The Geese
Kristin Silva, Editor-in-flock
October 2, 2019
According to the humans, Sept. 29 was "Goose Day" and the day was celebrated with a video of how people felt about us geese around campus. Well, we have a voice too. Steve Flippers, associate squawk of organized street-crossing, said he was both flattered and appalled at the responses g...
“Urinetown” opening night rescheduled due to inclement weather
The Wichitan
February 22, 2018
To ensure safety of cast, crew and audiences following the inclement weather Feb. 21 and class cancelation for Feb. 22, the "Urinetown" opening night has been rescheduled for Friday, Feb. 23 after months of rehearsals, costume design and make-up preparations. According to Elizabeth Lewandowski, theater...
‘Urinetown’ stage managers keep show organized
The Wichitan
January 30, 2018
While the actors parade around the "Urinetown" stage and memorize lines, songs and choreography, the stage managers spend hours on end reading over paperwork, gathering schedules and offering helping hands to wherever they are needed. Katie Cagle, stage manager and theater tech design senior, along si...
Broadway actor brings laughter to Legacy
October 27, 2017
Comedian and Broadway actor Kevin Yee brought laughter, smiles and a bit of satire to about 20 students in the Legacy Multipurpose Room on Oct. 26. Yee, who hails from Vancouver, Canada, travels across the country to perform his self-written, satirical songs. “People don’t expect to walk in...
Language department to add Parseltongue
Caleb Martin
April 5, 2017
SATIRE Students are lining the halls and sidewalks of Bea Wood, like squatters on Black Friday outside a Best Buy, to register for the language department's newest course: Parseltongue. The line of more than 90 students formed at 5 a.m. the day after the fall 2017 class schedule was posted. Beca...
War hero to be new provost
Caleb Martin
March 21, 2017
SATIRE The provost task force is pleased to announce they have found a "well-rounded and overqualified" candidate to take on the job as provost and vice president of academic affairs. The task force has picked Anakin Skywalker, who prefers to be called the "Lord Vader" by those below him, to fill...
1200 gather to mourn the loss of Jeremy
Caleb Martin
March 7, 2017
SATIRE Like the feeling that accompanies eating the last extra fry found at the bottom of a McDonald's to-go bag, students were grief-stricken as they remembered Jeremy, the beloved and most personable squirrel on campus. Jeremy's carcass was found flattened like a well-tenderized flank steak at t...