The Wichitan

Saul Squirrel eats berries he found so he can conserve what is left of his ambushed acorn stash

SATIRE: First Day Critters

Emily Beaman, News Editor September 1, 2021

The first day coming back to school is never easy. Whether you have an 8 a.m. or it is your first day in college, it can be difficult to shake off the summer and get back into the groove of school. However,...

cover earth

SATIRE: 2021 criticized for reusing old storylines

January 17, 2021

Intergalactic viewers from across the universe often tune into their favorite show "Earth" to watch how the humans continue to destroy themselves in new and hilarious ways, but the new 2021st season of...

The season for tornado watching

Christian Oseguera, Reporter May 23, 2020

Buckle up folks! Tornado season is upon us! This means there may be more destruction caused towards you than what your ex did! Better hop on and jump on those trampolines before they get blown away and...

UN Secretary of Panic

UN declares 2020 ‘over’ after just two months

Amos Perkins, Managing Editor March 3, 2020

Due to the incredibly long and horrific nature of the first two months of the year 2020, scientists and politicians at a recent United Nations summit have declared the year is over and 2021 will arrive...

Language department to add Parseltongue

Caleb Martin April 5, 2017

SATIRE Students are lining the halls and sidewalks of Bea Wood, like squatters on Black Friday outside a Best Buy, to register for the language department's newest course: Parseltongue. The line of...

War hero to be new provost

Caleb Martin March 21, 2017

SATIRE The provost task force is pleased to announce they have found a "well-rounded and overqualified" candidate to take on the job as provost and vice president of academic affairs. The task force...

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