I hate Christmas.

The fact that it is the biggest capitalist holiday of the year is enough for me to say that I dislike it, but there’s a multitude of other reasons why I don’t enjoy celebrating.

First of all, gift giving is the worst tradition. The pressure and politics around who you give gifts to, what you get people and how much you spend is insane.

I don’t want to buy gifts for people just because they bought me a gift. It’s not a gift at that point, it’s a trade.

Second of all, the idea that your love for someone is tied to a present is a little stressful. I hold so much love and appreciation for several people in my life, but if I had to buy them all a gift I’d be thousands of dollars in debt.

It’s not that I hate gifts as a whole, gift-giving is one of my love languages, but I want to give gifts on my terms.

Christmas has also birthed cliché Hallmark movie after cliché Hallmark movie.

Oh no, the career girl has to go back to her hometown for the holidays and falls in love with the oddly handsome Christmas Tree farm owner. Now she has to choose between love and her career. Whatever will she do?

Then there’s Christmas imagery. In the state of Texas, we very rarely have a white Christmas. At most, it’s a muggy gray Christmas.

Don’t even get me started on Santa Claus. He’s creepy.

“He sees you when you’re sleeping/he knows when you’re awake,” are terrifying lines both in and out of context.

Then he breaks into houses. Yes, he leaves presents, but if any other stranger broke into my house to leave me a gift, I wouldn’t be leaving them milk and cookies, I’d be calling the police.

These reasons may sound petty, but there are also bigger implications to the holiday.

Christmas in the American zeitgeist is a “family” holiday. So what are you supposed to do when you either have family issues or don’t have a family at all?

I know for me, family holidays are just another time in my life where I’m forced back in the closet so as to not “upset” family members who are homophobic and transphobic. Either that, or face the consequences of existing as a queer person in an unwelcoming household.

For many queer people, Christmas is filled with dead names and gifts from parents addressed to the child they wish they had, rather than the one sitting in front of them.

I realize that I am very lucky to even have a home to go to during the holidays, but that does not change the fact that every Christmas from the moment I came out is a performance.

I think my biggest problem with Christmas is the expectation to shut up and be happy.

If you’re miserable around Christmas time you’re not allowed to express that. Otherwise, you’re labeled as a “Grinch” or a “Scrooge.”

In my opinion, Christmas and toxic positivity go together like milk and cookies.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy anything about the holiday.

First of all, peppermint bark is delicious. The fact that I cannot get it year-round is a crime.

I understand that I can make it at any point in the year with just a few ingredients, but it’s so much easier to just buy it from a store.

Second of all, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” and “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer” are classics. If I’m watching a Christmas movie, it’s one of those two.

Third of all, some of the music is just really fun. “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch” and Micheal Buble’s cover of “Santa Baby” always put a smile on my face.

Michael Buble’s cover is especially funny. He replaced “baby” in the song with “buddy” and “pally” in an attempt to not flirt in a song about flirting with Santa.

YouTuber JSchlatt also just released a phenomenal Christmas album.

Though Santa is creepy, cowboy Santa is not. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about cowboy Santa that feels so much friendlier to me than normal santa.

Still, those things don’t make up for the fact that Christmas is intrinsically tied to family. Not having that connection can be really painful for people.

Maybe one day I’ll figure out how to get into the festive spirit, but for now, Christmas is nothing more than a pro-capitalist, family driven nightmare.