Are you single on Valentine’s Day?
Are you wallowing in your own self-pity because you are alone?
Well stop, because you are looking at this fabulous holiday all wrong.
Here are some positive thoughts about Valentine’s Day!
First of all you may think being alone in your apartment is sad and depressing. Well not when you are catching up on your Hulu or Netflix queue.
I mean, we all know how slow streaming here is on campus but now since everyone will be out celebrating with their significant other you will be streaming like nobody’s business.
Next, if you are really feeling sad about things, you could always use the money you would have spent on a gift for your boyfriend to buy yourself flowers.
Here is the twist, change your voice over the phone and tell the flower shop to sign the card from a secret admirer.
Then make all your friends jealous by having them delivered to your room and then post a lot of pictures on Facebook and Twitter about your new secret admirer.
Oh la la…
Also, now that you are not really celebrating it will not matter that you are buying all the cheap Valentine’s Day candy the following day since it will be on sale.
Now you are saving money, you go girls!
Another positive thing about Valentine’s Day is that now you will really know if the guy you were talking to really likes you or if you are just a booty call. Guys that do not want a relationship go into hiding on this day.
I mean, who knows how long it may have taken you to find out that this relationship is not going anywhere.
You are welcome.
Now you have to worry about dinner, well I am giving you an excuse to get fast food!
This way you can go through drive thru and get back to your TV shows.
And if you order enough (see I am helping you again, you can order the large fry) the employees will think you are going to spend a romantic night.
You could even tell them that this imaginary boyfriend took you to this fast food joint on your first date in first grade.
You could even mention how romantic it was when he carved both your names in the tree at your elementary school.
Hey, I mean, it could happen.
And lastly remember you are spending this day alone and no one can mess it up for you.
Plus you will need Valentine’s Day to rest because you are going to have all your friends who have boyfriends complain about what mistakes “he” made.
Now who is the smart one? Your single self.
P.Z.L. • Feb 14, 2013 at 2:26 PM
I was unaware that Wichitan Writers knew how to write satire.
I was laughing the entire time.
Good job Erin!