I spent a good part of my life trying to shrink myself, trying to become smaller, less opinionated, less sensitive, less loud, less me. Perhaps a part of me thought that I would be a burden to others if I lived my life in my most “true self.” I wanted people to like me, I wanted to feel wanted and be valued. For years I did that, and for years I suffered. I lived to make other people happy, forsaking my own happiness. I disempowered myself by clinging onto people; perhaps it is human nature to seek a sense of permanence in others.
Everyday, I felt my energy being depleted; I didn’t realize how much I was killing myself. But, I am done suffering; I am done shrinking myself in order to become a worthwhile human being in the eyes of others. While I realize that there is strength in needing others, not weakness, I also believe it’s important for us to realize that we also need to put ourselves first. I now live by the mantra, “More of me, less of everyone else.” It might sound selfish, but I have learned from my experiences that you cannot truly attain happiness and self-love while constantly giving so much of yourself to others. Sometimes we just need to step back a little and nurture our hearts.
When I was living life to constantly make other people happy, the inevitable happened — eventually I started feeling empty. I felt empty because when the people I put my happiness in left or disappointed me, it felt like dynamite had been blown inside my heart. The capacity to love, care and nurture for others relies, or is directly correlated to the capacity of love and care I gave myself. Life is all about balance.
The mission now, should readers choose to accept it, is to find peace with who he/she is and live by that. I get it — most of us are scared of showing people who we really are because the world might not accept us. Humans are so scared to be alone, that we put other people’s happiness first. This is just creating an unhealthy, toxic environment. An inner-self relationship sets the tone for everything else in life. For those who are where I was, find the courage to be bold and start truly living. It is the most liberating thing someone can ever do, and that is the element of freedom. Never forget that the privilege and gift of life is being who you are.
