Close acquaintances share their perspectives on Newt’s strangest fixation – the moon
Newt Gingrich began trying to clear his name Tuesday after two close friends accused him of being a werewolf.
The sources, who wished to remain unnamed, said they had seen the GOP presidential candidate often staring up at the night sky, whispering to himself. They said he was obsessed with the moon and always talking about its “spherical majesty.”
“It was like the moon made him a different person – like it changed him,” one source said.
“Well, I’ve never seen him eat anyone or anything,” another source said. “But who knows?”
Gingrich, the former Republican speaker of the House who was kicked out of office in 1998, has made space travel one of his main campaigning platforms.
“By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the Moon, and it will be American,” Gingrich said Jan. 26.
Though most voters may think Newt’s infatuation with the moon came from out of the blue, sources say they saw it coming all along. And even pundits who normally support Gingrich are scratching their heads, wondering why he would campaign on such a bizarre platform.
“This is suicide for Newt,” said a right-wing pundit who normally supports Gingrich. “And the sad thing is that if he actually is a werewolf, it won’t be the craziest thing to happen in this 2012 primary – remember Herman Cain?”
Gingrich’s spokesperson didn’t immediately return calls for an interview, but did send a terse email yesterday: “Newt is unable to participate in any interviews until after the full moon has passed. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Still, not everyone is convinced.
“There’s a 50/50 chance that he’s definitely a werewolf,” a resident of Washinston D.C. said. “Either a werewolf or a witch.”
“I don’t really care what Newt Gingrich does,” another resident said. “I just wish he would get on a space ship bound for the moon so the rest of us don’t have to see him anymore.
Steven Kundert • Feb 6, 2012 at 3:15 PM
Funniest thing I have read in a long time. I’m going to be sharing this with friends.