Why do we continually hurt ourselves by choosing people that make us feel small and invalidate our feelings? We go back to the same people that wrecked our hearts and crushed it into pieces, with the hope of a chance to love again.
As the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over,and over again and expecting different results.
There is poverty in giving too much of our hearts; when we desire for another human being, and if that desire is not returned in equal measure, nothing in this world could ever compensate for that shortfall. Sometimes love can be the loneliest place.
It took me a long time to learn that if someone wants to be with you, nothing can keep him or her away, and if they don’t, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to change that.
You can give someone the world, and still have no place in it, remember that. I’ve been there before.
I have chased love, I have lost myself trying to win someone over, I have given too much of my heart and lost myself. I know all about crying yourself to sleep, when your thorns grow so thick that you can hardly see the flower inside you anymore.
Sometimes the people you love just aren’t good for you, and loving them harder will not change that. Cut ties with people who do not make you a better person, who take too much from you, who drain you of energy instead of fill you with joy. It is okay to miss someone and still not want them back.
Now that I know better, I do better. Perhaps we lose ourselves in love, but we find ourselves there too.
I do not intend to romanticize or glorify heartbreaks – only to give people the encouragement they need to let go off dysfunctional relationships despite the fear of being alone. We need to collectively unlearn the idea that the length of a relationship equals the relationship’s value. Just because two people don’t end up spending their entire lives together doesn’t mean that the relationship was a failure. Likewise, hanging on to a relationship after it’s exceeded its expiration date will not boost that relationship’s value. It will just drag out the inevitable and waste time that could be spent building new, healthier relationships.
Don’t get caught up in the idea of love being the person who can be shown off on Snap Chat or Instagram. #ManCrushMonday and #WomanCrushWednesday are a part of the highlight reel of fictitious images that portray something as grander than it really is. This is the superficial love. Advertising your relationship on social media can be fun but don’t mistake it for an indicator of true love.
Love is supposed to make us laugh a little harder, and cry a little less.
Choose someone who makes a positive impact on your life, someone who challenges you to do better, someone who is willing to grow with you and not extinguish your fire, and above all someone who complements you, not completes you – you are whole all on your own.
It’s cliché but true. We accept the kind of love we think we deserve. There are so many mediocre things in life, and love shouldn’t be one of them. So decide right now that you deserve the best.
Wadzanai Dzvurumi is a marketing junior.