Language department to add Parseltongue

SATIRE Students are lining the halls and sidewalks of Bea Wood, like squatters on Black Friday outside a Best Buy, to register for the language department's newest course: Parseltongue. The line of more than 90 students formed at 5 a.m. the day after the fall 2017 class schedule was posted. Because … [Read more...]

War hero to be new provost

SATIRE The provost task force is pleased to announce they have found a "well-rounded and overqualified" candidate to take on the job as provost and vice president of academic affairs. The task force has picked Anakin Skywalker, who prefers to be called the "Lord Vader" by those below him, to fill … [Read more...]