The Wichitan

Language department to add Parseltongue

Caleb Martin

April 5, 2017

Filed under Guest Column, Op-Ed, Satire

SATIRE Students are lining the halls and sidewalks of Bea Wood, like squatters on Black Friday outside a Best Buy, to register for the language department's newest course: Parseltongue. The line of more than 90 students formed at 5 a.m. the day aft...

War hero to be new provost

Caleb Martin

March 21, 2017

Filed under Guest Column, Op-Ed, Satire

SATIRE The provost task force is pleased to announce they have found a "well-rounded and overqualified" candidate to take on the job as provost and vice president of academic affairs. The task force has picked Anakin Skywalker, who prefers to be called ...

1200 gather to mourn the loss of Jeremy

Caleb Martin

March 7, 2017

Filed under Guest Column, Op-Ed, Satire

SATIRE Like the feeling that accompanies eating the last extra fry found at the bottom of a McDonald's to-go bag, students were grief-stricken as they remembered Jeremy, the beloved and most personable squirrel on campus. Jere...

Students shown new perspective on renewable energy

Caleb Martin

February 17, 2017

Filed under Campus, Local, News

Clean, renewable energy is not a new or revolutionary idea. The concept of renewable energy has been quantified, researched and advanced for more than 100 years since the invention of the battery in 1912, but the world still re...

PRIDE holds first meeting to discuss coming events and concerns for the group

Caleb Martin

January 26, 2017

Filed under Campus, News

The first meeting for People Respecting Identity Diversity for Everyone, or PRIDE, was held on Jan, 26. PRIDE discussed the upcoming events and future meetings for the semester, as well as their growing concerns for the futur...

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